Love, life and Bullshit...Confession Sunday...an abstract!!

Hi! Back to my note making philosophy.......decently called as a blog!! Today i am going to simply bullshit about anything that comes to my mind. Please bear with me!!

What exactly is it......the confessions of a wannabe to reflect the world how hard he is trying to reach the level where he will be declared an “achiever”. But the act is still the same, and he continues to be one of the million wannabes. Now if that’s not a joke, let’s take it seriously!! Let’s try to write something “Different”.

I am no different. Whatever I do, I find myself doing it the same way many others have already done. The very idea about an uncommon idea is that, is should be one of its kind. But as the population increases, the probability of seeking the rare diminishes. And that’s how neatly I can blame others for responsibly killing my originality. I think that won’t be fair.

I tried Business. Energia. I thought it was rare. To professionally design business proposals and sell it in business plan symposiums for a good amount of price money. It did well in the beginning, but eventually failed. Probably all people who did start business not just to make a living, but a vision come true; thought exactly the way I do. But it is just that they were more balanced. They had more dedication. And chance supported them. My case, the luck didn’t work. But then I have a thing to say, my time management was poor. My time commitments were complicated. You don’t realize your dreams with a mobile phone and orders to make. My efforts were half hearted. My aims were projected, my moves were calculated. The chance therefore, had more opportunities to lift or put upside down, my plan. Eventually, it agreed to disagree to my dreams. It believes it’s too early for me to rise. I respect chance. Thanks, I got punished.

I tried to form a team. We dreamt for a common goal, with a common desire for success. Even my boys thought about it the same way I do. It again did well in the beginning, but eventually failed. We have won a number of times. So it was fair, to lose equally. It all depends, where the wave throws you, once you are being carried by it. When the tough times came, everyone of us had different plans to survive. Some wanted post graduate. Some wanted placements. And I wanted to be a successful entrepreneur, in my very first endeavour. Winning and losing hearts became a day to day activity, even for my own guys. Eventually, I lost. I will not say, we lost, because it was later discovered that team mattered half to them as it mattered to me. The same was with dreams. And methodology. Commitments.I had lost the faith of many of my team members. And as I got busy winning their faith back, the opportunity was gone. Sometimes, money became important than faith. And sometimes, numbers found more virtue than that of belief. This all happens, after all, its business, and not personal. So whatever took place, was fair game. I respect chance again for whatever it has got to do with my plans!!

It’s time to agree to some of my drawbacks. I am an emotional guy. Most of the times. Like an idiot, I try to apply that to business too. I consider my team to be my family. I sometimes ignore what I should have responded to; long back. I; at times, get bullied by my own ideas. I; at times, choose wrong people and start believing them, loving them, unlike god. Thanks to god, I realize this now. And it’s not really too late.My brothers still await me, and all they care is about the next idea I come up with. I won't fail them this this time. That's what I commit.

I tried to love a woman who gave no damn about me. I thought it was way better than going after girls who can fall for me. Keeping her good looks asunder, sidelining her traits, ignoring her priorities, I just loved her. I thought the very idea of “loving” doesn’t involve an actual rendezvous with the beloved. And after 7 years of sheer boredom, I feel it was all crap. Never got to convey what I felt, never got to confess. The lady I loved was sweet, innocent and pure-hearted. Not a trace of ill-willing about anyone. And so the hope about it lived inside me. All this long, but now I believe this is failing too. This idea is uncommon, but it’s a flop, that’s for sure. That’s what you will be thinking. You will say, I still bear the same emotions for her, but guess she is not worth it any more. So let’s move on. But I strongly believe in something else. Love doesn’t mean running after some one, or even getting one, but it’s about the faith that what I chose, was worth it. It was worth loving. And as long as I exist, I am going to stick to this faith of mine. Be it true, my love will walk to me someday. Else, it’s a normal case of failure with a commoner, right?

Perhaps, love is something more complicated. Its more worldly feeling. Maybe it requires some terrestrial beings that have to live in a common scenario, share thoughts, and develop a taste for each other. In my view, my emotions were greedy, selfish. It was just to satisfy me, satiate my feelings.So if it happened, and it failed, it has got all the valid reasons for this. Greed must not find any place in love.Things got better with me, when I realized this. I shouldn't contradict my own philosophies. So I am with it, I will go on with my silent protest. She has no keen hint about what I feel, so She keeps winning. Someday I will win. I am sure, when she feels about it exactly the way I do.

Lately, my way of thinking about anything is changing. Even my perception about marriages has changed. They aren’t made in heaven. (Considering number of people involved in getting a couple married, the number of gods in that case becomes too large to believe; what is it, 25 billion??....:))

Marriages are made by earthly beings on earth for earthly reasons. Biological necessity for sexually deprived ones, fear of loneliness, and lack of confidence that there will be no one to look after me, when I will be old; perhaps leads to this Ideology called “Marriage”. Then there is this sexually “one for one” barrier. I hope this gives it a good background to sustain. That's not all. I will defend this statement I wrote sometime afterwards, with a different mindset, and going through a different circumstance.

So considering our Traditional Bihari Culture, after you get married, you plan to love. (This might hurt the emotion of the reader whose marriage was arranged, so you, to whom so ever it may concern, please skip the last 2 paragraphs.)Then you adjust yourself to parameters of being lovely, and then this adjustment goes on all your life. Then there are kids. There are sacrifices to make...and more and more.

The best example of a happy arranged marriage, to me; has been my parents. I am not boasting about it, but seriously, the day they got to know they are going to be married, they fell in love with each other. And the day of marriage, the two of them, Ma and Pa, holding garlands in hand, found that they already are in love. The later years were happier, and Then I came into existence. Followed my young sister. Then a brief period of boredom, a good time of quarrel, and finally our Little princess sister was born. The quarrels were gone. And life got happier and lovelier. The very root of my family tree is Love. The very courage to admit things to my Ma and Pa; and vice versa, strengthens my family. And this is one of the strongest things I have supporting me. I love my family. It’s more of a group of friends.

The worst example of arranged marriage I know was a sister of one of my close friend. She got married to man who already loved some other woman who was already married. After his marriage, when the other woman dumped him and asked him to stay away, the dirty bastard shot himself. 3 Months from the date of marriage, my friend’s didi was a widow, and all that with no valid reason. And there were stories, half of them blaming that she might be the one behind his suicide. What Rubbish!! If he had nothing to do about marrying her, why at the first place it took place? I am told there was no pressure from his parents.

Sooner or later, eventually I will be getting married. I try hard to find a girl on my own, but if I keep failing, this will soon make me the best guy in matrimonial, that’s for sure, considering our Bihari marriage scenario.

Let’s write a suitable line for my advertisement in news papers:

A young, handsome, talented, Shrivastava, BE Mechanical Engg. Working in MNC, Salary 40K, Foreign Returned, Talented groom seeks a suitable bride. Age no Bar. Caste No Bar. Reply:PO3547

And this actually means:

A young,(I will be at least 30 by then) handsome,(At 30, are you still handsome?) talented,(If smoking at public places is a talent) Shrivastava,(Bloody sub-caste oriented bugger) BE Mechanical Engg.(Showing off his Valued degree he earned mugging for 4 years) Working in MNC(If Nepal, Bhutan and Sri Lanka are really worth it making an MNC), Salary 40K,(Lets not discuss what he gets in hand) Foreign Returned,(Deported/ Rejected would have been nicer)groom seeks a suitable bride. (Gosh, he is not gay!) Age no Bar.(how can it be at 30?) Caste No Bar.(That’s why he mentioned srivastava?) Reply:PO3547 (Show’s how open minded and how reserved we are, having a PO Box)

Give me a chance and I am my own best critic!! Whewww......

I am tired after this much of typing. Going out to have some fresh Air.It's Sunday Folks, lets celebrate one more Sunday with I, me and my solitude. It was a good moment after a long time that I confessed. This is something I stopped doing lately. Now to push it further, I am posting it on my blog.

There is not a bit of a new Idea which came out today with my text, but I don’t know what makes me rate what all I just wrote, better then my Ideologies I jot down separately . I am finding, as I grow up, I learn. And That’s my only learning as of now.

Bye Readers. Love You.

Yours,

Sakht Jaani